The Fates and their Games.....

Today I became painfully aware that my son and his wretched girlfriend have been lying to me Since February 19th of this year (interesting how face book "dates & time stamps" everything).

That the girlfriend connived with him to lie to me, openly admitting it was her idea to do the lying to begin with, makes me sick to my stomach.

That they both pretended this was something that just recently was happening, lying to cover a lie so to speak,  tells me of their worthless character.

That it was something so horrendous as to put myself and his sister in danger by being in contact with these people in Las Vegas, is unconscionable.  

To find out at great length of investigation the multitude of people involved with telling my son this was all ok and a good idea to boot, Has had me heaving for the last several hours.

To find that some of these people were of those I once called friend, well I guess MY judgement of the term friend could be in question.

And finally, for the wayward boy to think that he had gotten away with it, that mom was never gonna find out....... Wow, after 18 years he never new me and, I never knew him. Ever.

Needless to say, my phone, email, and face book lists took a "by-goddess-have-mercy" shredding today.  I think there's like 12 people left?  Yea, I so got gut-shot today.

Here's one up for the kid, I guess he sure knows how to give his mom a birthday present.  The kind of pain that can eat a person alive and last a lifetime.

ok, (what an awkward term:  ok) yea, I'm ok....I'm not good, but kalonapin can make a person ok, at least to get through the hardest shock of it all.

Pills.  I could say "I don't need these stupid things"  but then, "I" would be lying to "me".  And we can't have that with all the others lying to me left and right.

My thoughts are garbled and incoherent, but they are mine so they can be that way for now.  Just for now as i try to process this hurt.  I look at it from the outside

It hurts my chest, my head (headache behind the eyes), it feels like physical pain.  Like someone getting cut and gashed by invisible knives.  I can feel the cuts, but i don't see them.

Someone dear to me said "it's ok to cry".
But the tears don't fall.

Moving is SOOOOOOOOO Much Fun!

Howdy folks!  Been a long time coming, me getting back here.  So here's the official update.  We have moved into the RV and cut our bills from $1100.00 a month (not including food) to a minimal $450.00 a month (and this includes food!)  YEA!!!!!  tis a bit snug, but it sure is nice on the pocket!  Anyhow, its been rainy and dreary, so i've snuggled down in the blankets ready to read a nice detectives novel (Det. Eve Dallas... she is amazing!) while listening to the rain fall.  It has become cooler here, fall has hit.  Yesterday 92.... today 62 .... and the Sumac Trees have red leaves instead of green.  We are looking about for a larger camper, something like what my friends Jamie and Val have, that would be perfect for us.  So, if any of you have any ideas where we could get a fairly inexpensive one, i'd love to here.  ok, so, back to Detective Dallas! TA!

18=Adult? Not quite....

"So your 19?  ....(yes)....Wow."
" And you think its a good idea to try and date my 16 year old daughter? ...(sure).... Wow." "And what would posses you to think it's okay? ....(she's mature enough).... Wow"
" SHE is a MINOR, do you have any idea what that means?...(she's not 18?)... Wow"
(you sure do say wow a lot .... so its all cool, right?)....."Wow"


And then I shut the door in his face.


He called the police because he felt threatened.  They actually came to my door.  After a short conversation with them that consisted of  my saying, and i quote "You mean to tell me that you actually showed up at my door for this bullshit, and yet when i called for your help about 5 months ago, you couldn't help me?  And I told the moron officer to go away and proceeded to calmly close the door in his face.  Guess he got the point.  He didn't knock again and the little "boy who thinks he's a man" never came back either.


Yes, I truly did just have this conversation.  Can i just pull my hair out now?  


Worse yet, the man in my life simply stood there, looking at me like i was nuts, and looking to the officers like he was sorry for "My" behavior.  I was looked at like that for 10 years.  Some of you have had an unfortunate up-close and personal experience with my ex; so you all know what I'm referring to.


So now i'm kinda numb.  kinda hurt. kinda confused.

Wow...I figured out how to get back in here!!!! Somehow the email addy was messed up, my password long gone, my sign-in name was beyond my current memory, and yet, here i am!!! WOOOO-Hooo!!!!!! Now, off to fix all those things white i'm in here

TA!